John Wayne is the Duke. Elvis is the King.

John Wayne's Holster: Cosmetic Surgery Has Gone Too Far
John Wayne's Holster
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Sunday, July 23, 2006

Cosmetic Surgery Has Gone Too Far

Does someone you love have sagging jowls or bags under the eyes? Does that someone need a tummy-tuck? Or perhaps they have some wrinkles that could easily be smoothed over with a botox injection. Or maybe some cellulite that needs to be hosed out. If any of these problems sounds familiar to you, they can easilty be solved with a single phone call to a cosmetic surgeon - um...err…the veterinarian. That’s right, the veterinarian.

Now you can take Spot and Fluffy to have these procedures done. And at a fraction of the cost that human cosmetic surgeons charge. I know – it sounds totally ridiculous, but this is America! But actually it’s not just the US. Apparently, cosmetic surgery for pets is growing in popularity across the globe. So much so, that now it is causing problems at dog shows, as trainers are claiming that the other dogs are "supplementing" to gain advantages during competitions. And you thought Major League Baseball and Barry Bonds had problems.

But it gets even more ridiculous than that. If you are a responsible pet owner, you have probably taken Rover down to the vets to get him neutered. After you bring his home, you notice he is a little less active than before. He lies around a lot, eats more often, and is gaining weight. He just doesn’t seem the same. You also notice that when he walks around, he no longer has that “manly bounce” he used to have. He looks sort of “different”.

Now you can get that fixed too. It seems a guy in Independence, MO is offering prosthetic testicular implants for pets. And they are quite popular, as there are over 100,000 pets sporting these phony man bits.

The aptly named neuticles come in a variety of shapes and sizes - so you can find that perfect pair to match your loved one's personality.

Rover showing-off his handsome newly inserted K9 man tackle.

Some owners even claim they help improve their dog's self-esteem. Now just what was it that P.T. Barnum said?


At 6:04 PM, Anonymous Roy said...

I am speechless!


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